My Lives As Fate's Chew Toy -The Sky Is Falling!
by DeiStarr
Summary: CT finds herself reborn in a KHR-verse. She is Not Happy About It. It's not saving the world; CT has made peace with feeling compelled to avert tragedies. But the Mafia? This is one Sawada Tsunayoshi who won't take it lying down. Tsuna does things her way; with aid from a wild Kyoya, an oddly helpful Byakuran, & unexpectedly supportive Varia. 6th in FCT series; can be read alone.


**A/N: **I'm posting the finished part of the prologue along with some excerpts now, since I already posted it o before I left the hospital. I have too many things to do after I get out to write right away, so it'll be a couple of days before I have time to really work on this series again.

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**Prologue - Oh, Kami - NO. Absolutely Not. I Refuse.**

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**Disclaimer: ** _I do not own KHR or its characters (or Pinocchio, for that matter)._

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_I've got no strings to hold me down_  
_To make me fret, or make me frown_  
_I had strings, but now I'm free_  
_There are no strings on me_

_Hi-ho the merry-o_  
_That's the only way to be_  
_I want the world to know_  
_Nothing ever worries me_

_I've got no strings so I have fun_  
_I'm not tied up to anyone_  
_They've got strings, but you can see_  
_There are no strings on me_

_"I've Got No Strings" - Disney's Pinocchio_

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As the newly-christened CT "Chewie", I found my fifth rebirth almost relieving. At first, anyway.

As much as I adored my loved ones in the Elemental Nations, and appreciated my last lifetime for the important lessons it had taught me, it had still been incredibly difficult. So I desperately tried to push past the trauma of rebirth, and focus on my surroundings.

Recognising the excited chatter around me as the original flavour of Japanese found on Earth was a relief – I would not spend this lifetime struggling to cope around people I knew and loved; only strangers I would probably grow to care for. I desperately needed a lifetime away from world-saving and other such heavy responsibilities to continue healing.

The only snag with that plan appeared when I recognised the blubbering man cutting the cord and wailing about his "Tuna-Fishie".

In that moment, staring in absolute horror at the face of Iemitsu Sawada, all I could think was,_ "Oh, Kami – NO. Absolutely Not. I refuse!" _

I couldn't help it- I screamed, threw up all over him, and promptly fainted.

My last conscious feeling was a desperate, hysterical longing for a good stiff drink.

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I was a grumpy baby this time around. While not at the level of my second life, I was still somewhat dissatisfied.

Of course, had my new Tou-san stuck around, things might have been different. I was most decidedly _Not Happy_ with him, even if I didn't understand my subconscious repulsion towards him. It was fortunate that he didn't stay more than a few days after my birth – dealing with a screaming infant had dampened his enthusiasm for fatherhood quite handily.

My new ka-chan was more disposed to be tolerant of my presumed terrible colic, due to the scare after I was born where she'd almost lost me before the wonderful doctor her darling Iemitsu had hired to care for her during her pregnancy and delivery managed to save her baby.

Admittedly, no one expects a newborn to struggle with subconscious psychological alcoholic withdrawal; so I was merely assumed to be_ very colicky indeed. _

She was very sweet, but also quite air-headed. She didn't really register my rapid advancement as anything unusual; she would just coo and delight over how smart and strong her Tsu-kun was. She learned quickly that praising me as being manly just like my papa would make me fuss and cry, so that particular bit of unfortunate comparison was swiftly abandoned.

I grew to love her in time; though my fondness was not quite as strong or quick to bloom as it had been in the past. I became better behaved as I grew older.

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_ **Excerpt 1: ** _

I huddled in the back of the room, feeling absurdly like I was doing something far more illicit than sneaking into an AA Meeting. Granted, I _was_ five; so sneaking in was my only real option.

I shivered, artificially cold ever since the sealing of my flames. With a scowl, I cursed Iemitsu, Timoteo, and the entire Vongola for good measure. I silently reaffirmed my promise to myself to _never_, under _any_ circumstances, do _anything_ to benefit them in _any possible way_.

Settling down as the meeting started, I focused my attention on keeping my _other_ promise to myself. While Nana probably wouldn't actually _notice_ if her five year old developed a drinking problem, I was determined not to break the promises I'd made to my last family. I especially had no intention of letting _Those Arseholes_ drive me to doing so. So AA it was.

I waited patiently as the other participants went around in a circle, and once they finished I rose and stepped forward. I was aware that I was taking a risk, but I also desperately hoped that it would pay off.

"Hello," I chirped, hating that my childish voice made solemnity nearly impossible. The eyes of the members widened, and a couple made a move to go to me, so I continued quickly. "My name right now is Tsu-kun."

I licked my lips, wishing my lisp didn't make pronunciation so difficult. "And I'm a re-in-car-na-ted al-co-hol-ic."

Surveying the bewildered and incredulous expressions on virtually every adult in the room, I resigned myself to a difficult evening. I took a deep breath and proceeded to go about the arduous task of convincing them that I wasn't crazy.

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_ **Excerpt 2: ** _

"Hibari!" My voice rang out sharp and irritated as I strode across the school grounds. My face was twisted in a furious scowl, and my patience was all but gone.

I may have enjoyed sparring with the physically older boy, but enough was enough! I would _not_ take his latest threat lying down.

He rose to his feet and stood in a ready stance, waiting for me to finish my approach. My scowl deepened as I recognized his expression as one of eager anticipation – and was that _pride? _

_"Honestly, Kyoya,"_ I thought, exasperated and reluctantly amused.

I stopped a short distance away from him, standing back just far enough that he wouldn't be able to spring at me before I could react. I crossed my arms and frowned at him.

"I don't appreciate being threatened, Hibari," I informed him, trying my best to look intimidating. Internally, I bewailed the ineffectiveness of the attempt in such a tiny, adorable body; but I had to _try_. I made my expression as stern as I could.

Kyoya cocked his head to the side, a cute expression of confusion on his face. "I'm certain you'll defeat anyone foolish enough to try," he replied. He looked so utterly serious I was momentarily taken aback, but I rallied quickly.

"You need to stop leaving bodies on my porch," I explained, in case I hadn't been clear enough.

"Why?"

I paused, noticing he looked almost… hurt. I floundered again._ "Curse my weakness for socially inept, genius murder-children!" _

"Because it's a threat," I said slowly, suddenly questioning my previous conclusions. "And I don't react well to threats."

Kyoya frowned, his face set into lines of stubbornness. "It's not a _threat_," he told me, sounding insulted.

My brow furrowed in confusion.

"Then what-"

"Figure it out."

I looked back up in exasperation, but he was already strolling away.

"That wasn't very helpful, Kyoya!"

He smirked at me over his shoulder before leaping up into a tree for a nap. I closed my eyes and sighed.

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_ **Excerpt 3: ** _

"_Ciaossu_," greeted the squeaky voice of the expected hitman.

_"No,"_ I replied.

He paused, momentarily thrown by both the immediacy and flatness of my answer. I bulldozed ahead, taking advantage of the opportunity to disabuse him of any notions he may have had about how this was going to go.

"No, Reborn; you will _not_ be my tutor, as I will _not_ be becoming a mafia boss."

He blinked, taken aback by how unexpectedly well-informed I was. Before he could do or say anything to refute my words, I continued.

"I have a sworn affidavit recognizing my permanent disownment from the Vongola; anyone who objects can take it up with the _Vindice_." I paused, relishing his shock. "They would _certainly_ be interested in speaking with Timoteo and Iemitsu regarding the _method_ of my disownment – something about _lawbreaking_?"

I finished with an evil smirk, in direct contrast to my sweet and innocent tone.

He froze, having no idea how to respond to my claims.

I glanced over my shoulder and called out, "Fon-Shishou, I broke Reborn!"

The hitman straightened, tossing me an offended glare; his fingers twitching for his gun. I noticed that he didn't draw it, however – good; he _was_ trainable.

Then again, the implication of having the Vindice on my side was enough to make _any_ Mafioso hesitate. I was certain he was also _very_ curious to know exactly _how_ all of this had come about – from my association with the Vindice to my having another of the Arcobaleno in my home who I referred to as "Shishou".

I held back my internal gloating – no need to anger him on top of taking him off-balance. I simply gave him my most disarming smile and gestured into the house.

"Would you like to come in so we can discuss how we're going to deal with this situation?"

Judging by the wary look he shot me, I was less than successful at putting him at ease.

_"Ah, well,"_ my thoughts chirped. _"You can't have everything." _

I practically skipped into the house, whistling to release some of my pent-up glee.

_"Let's see if I can make the so-called "World's Greatest Hitman" faint from shock – or at least, how many times I can make his brain short-circuit!" _


End file.
